[journal] 2017

It has been way too long to come back to this blog. The absence over the past few years is a clear indication that I have lost inspiration and curiosity from and about the world. Although my current life seems stable with a decent job and moderate fun things I desperately cram into my mundane schedule--such as indoor rock climbing, hopping popular NYC restaurants, and etc--, I am afraid that I am slowly becoming a dull, barren person with considerable amount of numbness and vanity at heart.

One clarity I do have now is that I am not going to just sit around and watch sadly whom I am becoming--someone I have always feared to become. So, I am going to fill up this year with many fun projects to rejuvenate inspiration and passion. Those fun projects will be of two kinds. One would challenging in nature where I would force myself to practice discipline and creativity. The other would be spiritual so that I could restore my relationship with God.

Apart from this aspiring series of projects, I have set some resolutions for 2017. I am pretty good with following through resolutions. Last year, I wanted to initiate my pursuit of good life-long hobbies that would enhance the quality of life and build some permanent tastes in me. I set two goals--learn music and sports. So, I took drum classes. I wish I had further explore other instruments; however, I am tentatively satisfied with my exposure to music through streaming in Spotify. I had more fun with sports and found good prospect lifetime long hobbies already: hiking and indoor climbing.

Going back to 2017 resolutions, I have four this year.

1. Read more. I want to root reading as a part in my life. Reading really enriches knowledge, vocabulary, and thinking process. These will empower my communication both in eloquent delivery of my message but also the quality in content itself
• Read 30 mins every day
• Read one article on a train ride
2. Get abs. This may seem pretty shallow goal; however, there is a profound meaning behind it. Ever since I have pictured my twenties and goals I want to achieved in that period of time, challenge to my fitness has always been in the list. I am not quite done with my 20s yet. But it is getting close. 
• Hit gym at least 3 times a week (now only twice a week)
• Actively learn how to work out more efficiently
• Work on diet even just little bit (I eat everything anywhere anytime)
3. Save. I am now into 1.5 years into working life. I had frankly spent all of my income into just savoring my youth after a long time of being a broke college student. Now, I want to structure my cash flow--perhaps, being more ambitious to a point of investing!
• Save 1/3
• Experiment with 1/10 from the 1/3 savings in investment
4. Study. I cannot push it further. It has been delightful 18 months with no pressure from school. I feel now somewhat psychologically ready for an advanced degree and maybe PE. Let's just try it.
• Take GRE in April, subjects in September? At least start putting 5 hrs a week to prepare for it
• Start studying for PE in CA for 1.5 hrs a week

Now, prayerfully, let's act on these.

     

Emitting Inspiration

Normally, we are inspired by beauty. A beautiful story, song, art, scenery...etc. Sometimes, personalities inspire us. Bravery, endurance, patience, and you name it. However, rarely, we get inspired from unknown sources. This particular kind of impression does not take a long time to form and often comes unexpectedly from strangers.  I guess we could call it as random inspiration.

I have encountered yet another person with unusual impression. I only saw him for seventy five minutes. He was a lecturer whose objective was to deliver a clear lesson on a certain subject in math. An ordinary-looking man. There was no witty joke. No charisma and no crash were involved. Yet, at the end of the lecture, I was amazed simply by the person, who he was.

Something from him was breaking into my mental world. And I just felt very strange, as if I came to a foreign country for the first time. This phenomenon was fascinating, since these strange inspirational feelings were absolutely sudden and strong.

As I am writing this post, I am having a great hard time to put my thoughts together. Here is what lasts from the process of rethinking of rethinking of paragraphs that are now erased.

The essence of him, hisness, may have caused this random inspiration.

The way he spoke, the way his handwriting was, the way he treated his audience, the way he stood, and just the way he lived in that seventy five minutes was purely just himself. He the person as a whole vibrated and emitted lights, his own lights. Very consistent to his own essence. I wish to emit my own inspirational lights to others.

What are your random experiences?

Ph.D.

When I was nine, I took an extracurricular class in computer. A dozen kids, from the third grade to the sixth grade, were in that class. I vaguely remember learning about control panel, Microsoft Words, and some html codes. Creating blinking or moving phrases on a white webpage was impressive. The materials were interesting in general, but I was not in love with this whole computer class.



One day, my computer teacher told the class about a Microsoft Word Processor certificate prep class. When I heard the announcement, there was this image popped up in my mind, and it allured me to recklessly sign up for the prep class. In the image, there was a college student walking on a peaceful campus, with heavy books on her arms. Her silky hair was being blown by a wind, and sunshine, scattered through the leaves, danced upon her smiling face. It was so beautiful.



I knew that if I took that Microsoft Words prep class, I would be like that college student, exploring the exciting world of unknown knowledge. Of course, the prep class was nothing like the image from my mind. There were strange people from different ages—from “old” middle school students to “really old” adults (probably in their 30s.) The lecturer was creepy. He scared me each time, because he always looked at me and smiled! Now, I understand why. I was the only elementary student in his class! A nine-year-old girl paying attention to his lecture on creating charts on Words. How cute it must have been.



I got the certificate at the end of the program with the “creepy” teacher and disappointing learning experience. Nevertheless, my desire and admiration for knowledge in depth is still present. From time to time, I would record questions, which no one (or no book) had answers to, in my notebooks. Thinking of my future ahead, I wonder if these questions and desires indicate that I should pursue Ph.D.



Ph.D. sounds a distant future, yet I’ve got to remember no future is not too far away.




Here is a link to an informative and fun webpage on Ph.D. Check it out.

http://public.randomnotes.org/richard/PhDtalk.html    

Things to spend my earned money on

In order to be entirely faithful to my foremost duty, being a good student, I don't have a job at the moment. Once I recover my pace, I would like to get a part time job in teaching computer science/math or paid internship at energy/green companies. I am still searching.

Meanwhile, I indulge in what-if-I-get-that-job imagination. Oh, it's sweet.

1. A headset. (can you believe that I'v never owned a headset or an earphone in my entire life?! and I do enjoy listening to music.)

2. Paying for my parent's a full-day date course and hiring someone to white glove my house from the tiniest corner to the deepest corner. Basically, I want to buy some time for my parents. They do not seem to get relaxed enough to dust out mundane part of their life. ever.

3. A pair of grey sneakers. I like shoes like all the other women. But for some reason, my shoes do not last more than a year--especially, sneakers. I end up buying a new pair of sneakers every year. How about you? How many shoes do you buy yearly? Well, for this season, I have seven pairs out on the shoe rack. 1) Running shoes 2) Casual sneakers 3) brown heels 4) mustard heels 5) casual grey heels 6) leather boots 7) slippers..??! they're shoes, right. According to an article, an average American woman owns 19 pairs and only wears 5. Even if I add my spring/summer set, I don't think I have 19 pairs! Usually, I do not feel great about being below average, but this one I am proud to be below average.

4. An artist tablet (graphic drawing tablet). I do not know how to call it? This is a completely different kind than what you would normally think of tablet. This tablet is hooked up to a computer and typically used with Adobe software. At any rate, I'd love to start some webtoons (comics on the web). Webtoon is a huge hit in South Korea now. This is the perfect genre in entertainment among Koreans, who use high-speed, in fact the highest in the world, internet 247. Quite a few Korean movies and TV shows originate from the webtoons. From a 9 year old to 50-year-old moms, webtoon is making everyone laugh with its short weekly episodes. These online comics are mainly supported by two giant Korean portal sites--Naver and Daum. You can read an article about it here (http://weekly.donga.com/docs/magazine/weekly/2012/03/05/201203050500020/201203050500020_1.html) Well, it's in Korean, so try to learn the language or run the Chrome's extension Google Translate. It should translate the entire webpage for you.

My wish to do list continues to a few more items. It will be great if I get to post about the list becoming true. I feel like this is my first pay ever. What did you do with your first pay? There is a custom in Korea that you must buy your family their underwear with your first ever earned money. Did anyone, not from Korea, shop for family underwear? Lol. I don't know how that tradition has evolved, but it's a fun one (though I didn't keep it. I took my students to a very nice dinner with my very first paycheck).

It's exciting that there are people that I care about, that I sincerely wish their well-being, and that I'd love to willingly spend all of my first-earned money for.

Feeling much love in closing today. (A perfect song is just now playing from my Grooveshark playlist, "Dance with My Father" by Luther Van Dross. A great song.)

Good night.